markandrich - eVulture

WHEN WILL CHARLIE BROOKER DIE?

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Laura Bellamy writes "I used an internet death clock for him, and if he doesn't smoke it is 9th November 2021 for him".

Adam Fakesurname writes "I reckon March 3rd 2018, tragically choking to death on a bit of flapjack"."

Tom Webster, Content Seeker for Sky TV says "I reckon Christmas Day 2020. Heart failure while playing Portal 7: GlaDOS's Revenge".

Waffle Waitress adds "Jesus actually the side of his head is MASSIVE in that picture..is his brain about to explode? Might wanna give him a heads up like. Yes I've got better things to do. Coffee with that waste of time? arf.." but doesn't specify a date.

Catherine Stoddart infects this site with gangster-hoodie speak by saying "Just wanting to say the site's boss". Useless.

Kev Dickinson quotes Python poorly "I say he won't die, he is the new messiah (or a very naughty boy)".

Ed Reeder types "charlie brooker will never die.. he will live in the hearts of computer gamers forever". Oh dear.

Mike Eveleigh chooses "mid-March 2015. Apoplectic upon hearing that the latest 'Dr Who' production team has cast Amanda Burton as the 12th Doctor, he collapses and never regains consciousness".

Alan Gardner writes "My guess is that he will eventually snap and take hostages. In 2015 in a fitting end he storms and captures Jeremy Kyle recording another turgid episode. The armed response team are called to the scene. After 7 hours of tense negoitiation they decide to storm the studio. In the resulting bloody chaos Charlie dies the heroic death of the righteous, taking Kyle with him as he sets off explosive packed tightly into a dvd boxset of Friends, the 25th anniversary collectors edition. 50 french peasants are then shot by the authorities in reprisal, for by then the revolution has begun..."

Right, right... Joe Hackney writes "Charlie will die at the end of the universe. He is the Face of Beau". Doctor Who reference there, folks.

Claudia Stern concludes "Ironically enough with no irony at all but at home in bed aged 85 with his 2.5 children looking on. That will be the death nail to self-ironizers everywhere but at least it will be in about 40 years time so we won't give a shit anymore".

Richard Bell writes "Brooker is the same age as me and I have every intention of bringing the boon of my own ineffectual rage and sneering, passive sarcasm well into the 22^nd century. Let’s keep the dream alive, bro".